Rush Limbaugh Meets God

One day, Rush Limbaugh died and stood before God for judgement, understandably speechless for the first time in his life. Satan, the accuser, also stood there waiting to claim Rush's eternal soul. Jesus also stood by, not willing to let Rush's soul go without a fight. God motioned for silence and then nodded for the proceedings to begin.

Jesus: Rush Hudson Limbaugh III was born on January 12th, 1951 in Cape Girardeau, Missouri...

Satan: ... who at the age of two was already questioning you.

God: Is that true?

Suddenly a screen appeared on the wall of the universe. On it a father is driving his young son home for a Sunday class the father had just taught. The son abruptly looks up at his father. "Daddy, who was before God?" he asks.

Jesus: Simply a boy beginning his inquiry into the things of God.

God: Go on.

Jesus: Rush started out early taking the precious gift of life seriously. He almost skipped his childhood.

Satan: What about the "Know Your Bible Contest" stunt?

The screen now shows a boy on the telephone, "Hello, is this Ezra Borntragger? Ezra, you've been selected to play our 'Know Your Bible Contest' here at the Red Star Baptist Church. How well do you know your Bible, Ezra? Good. Ok, question #1, what is the first book in the Bible? Psalms? Very good, Mr. Borntragger. That's exactly right." The boy can barely contain his glee as he thumbs through yellow page ads for the number of the taxicab company.

Satan, smirking: Miraculously, everyone Rush called would be a winner, but when they arrived by taxicab at the church, not only didn't they win anything, but they had to pay for the fare.

God: And Ezra...?

Jesus: Ezra didn't make it here, though Rush's prank didn't affect that.

Satan: Irrelevant.

God: Continue.

Jesus: Rush grew into an influential radio talk show host broadcasting out of New York City...

Angels around the throne: Hisssssss!

God: Silence in the court! Silence! Continue.

Jesus: From his position of influence, Rush changed countless people's hearts about abortion. He gave generously to charity, he got people thinking about the serious issues in life...

Satan: ...while divorcing two wives, talking irreverently about having 'talent on loan from God'...

Jesus: Which, by the way, he meant as a compliment.

Satan: Irrelevant.

Jesus: Speaking of irrelevant, I move that we examine the books to see if Rush has ever accepted me as Savior. After all, that is the only thing that matters in these proceedings. Good deeds, bad deeds, these all come into play in deciding rewards but Rush's eternal state depends solely on whether he accepted what I did on his behalf on the cross.

God: Yes, I've heard enough. Open the books. Is Rush Hudson Limbaugh III to be found therein?

A hush falls over the unseen Universe as an angel hefts the book and opens it in front of God. All those assembled hold their breath as God flips a few pages, then a few pages more, and then...

and then...

Are you holding your breath waiting to see what eternal fate is awaiting Rush? Be honest - have you given as much thought to your own eternal fate? Someday it will be you in front of God and the questions about your life will come down to just one question: Have you accepted what Jesus Christ, the Son of God, did on that Roman cross 2,000 years ago as payment in full for your sins?